about the walking

Being generally quiet is going generally well. I am cooking for myself, which may sound ridiculous but it is huge for me--I only ever cook for two. Nothing fancy. Tonight was a spinach omelet with a side of sliced apples. I'm getting better at flipping the eggs but it was not agreeing with me today and I had to use the spatula. Shame on me.

Fitness has become a major priority. I am doing two-a-days and biking every day the weather agrees, which has been every day. The weather here has been freaky consistent for nearly a week and a half here. Cloudy and crappy in the morning, sometimes misty or rainy, and in the afternoon, beautiful. In the evening the clouds and some wind roll in. It's nice to have this kind of weather in winter. When I start to miss things in Japan, I remember being a shut-in for nearly five months because I hated the cold, and then I'm okay.

There is remodeling going on in the house, and last night I was emptying a chest so we could move it, and I found a box labeled "Stacy letters," which I assume are letters from family and friends to my parents after my older sister died. I never got to meet her. I opened the box and saw the loose papers and envelopes, if they had been organized, I did not notice how, the smell of old paper, this is a ghost I have felt I have no right to disturb. She was and then was not before I came into the world. If a void exists, I have been maneuvering around it without much notice. But it is a name you do not hear in my family, except on the rare occasion. Then shortly. I closed the box without disturbing.

I play with old love like a loose tooth. But mostly I just take that out to the coffee place (new) and write in a story/film about a woman and a little girl. It is coming slowly, but it is coming. I drink tea these days. And I walk across the parking lot to the bookstore instead of driving a hundred yards like the regular folk do. I miss the walking.