When I Play Uno

with the children
I choose my place in the circle carefully, if I can. I ask how many cards we each get, and no matter what number I am told, I deal seven cards. The children are astounded at the ease with which I shuffle. The speed at which I deal. I turn over the first card, and from time to time it is a wild. We are not allowed to play anything we wish, kids. This is something you will learn. I will turn over another. Regarding direction, my cards appear either benign or evil depending on my assessment of a child's emotional capacity to be told to pick up cards. When we are playing left to right, and it is Yuto who follows, I play the red seven, a green five, my wilds are simple and kind, and I will only ask for a color that he and I both have, if I can. When we are playing right to left, and it is Aili, I enjoy needling her. If I can manage to skip her turn, I will. She needs to learn patience. She can afford to lose. And I will draw cards with a feigned broken heart. They believe I am only playing.


with my brother
I cast my gaze firmly at the top of his cards. Should they dip, it is his fault and not mine that I have caught a glimpse and gained an advantage. When he has gathered a series of Draw Twos, Skips, and Reverses, he pummels me. It is because I read. Each insult is to bring back his mother. I could have done nothing to prevent her break with reality, but for him I am a symbol of what life he might have had. He does not see that I am alone. That I read because there is no one to talk to. And so as he punishes me, I gather a storm in my hand. I plot. And pretend to have only greens.


with my lover
She has placed a blue four, and I might either play a Skip or a red four. Perhaps she knows of my dilemma, and should I play the four, she will think me weak-willed. Or if I play the skip, she will judge me unkind. It is only a Skip. A momentary interruption. A very slight advantage. Perhaps if I play it and laugh she will also laugh. She will sense the fight is feigned, that I am replacing our real troubles with this false one, and then we will not have to discuss the way I spoke to her sister.